I love reading blogs that give me a peak into the writer’s life, so that’s what I’ve got for you here! Here are 5 things I’ve been thinking about lately:
1. My bad body image days are often rooted in a lie I’m believing
I’m not immune to negative body image thoughts. I’ve worked really hard to become resilient against them and because of the way I talk to myself, they are less and less and they don’t consume my days anymore. They totally used to. I used to talk to myself like a bully, with shame and disgust. It took a lot of time and practice, but I now talk to myself with so much more compassion and grace, like a BFF (for the most part, no one’s perfect).
I still have moments where I feel grief for what my body looks like today versus what it used to look like. But, there are differences. First of all, the way I think is with more compassion. I’m thinking, “ugh, I my legs are bigger than they used to be. I wish they were smaller again.” That right there is a LOT kinder than what that narrative used to sound like.
But, I’ve noticed that a lot of the time these negative feelings and thoughts are rooted in a lie. Maybe I’m reminiscing on the way my legs used to look. After reflecting I’ve noticed that I’m telling myself a lie, which is that if I had smaller legs again I would always feel good about my body, I would be more attractive, more confident. But, if I think back to that time when I actually had that body, some 4-5 years ago, I can see that’s a lie. I felt insecure about my body in that time. I had days where I felt too big in that body back then. It’s a lie that I’m believing. Identifying that lie and recognizing that body image work isn’t about what size my body actually is has been really helpful to bring me back to reality.
2. Potty training!
Cal turned 2 in September and while I didn’t really plan to potty train him so soon, last week before bath he hoped on the toilet and went pee! So, I decided we’d better follow his lead and start potty training. He’s actually doing so well and I’m super impressed how quickly he caught on and how few accidents we’ve had! BUT. There are still moments when I feel frustrated and don’t know how to help him. It’s so humbling as a mom because it’s this thing that I want him to learn, but it so hard to teach! He sat on his potty chair the other day and I said, “let’s try to go potty!” and he looks at me and grabs me and says, “help please!” as if I could somehow help the potty come out… lol sorry buddy, can’t do that!
3. It feels so yucky when someone comments on someone else’s body
I’ve encountered this several times this week, both times I’ve overheard or been told about a conversation. These comments about someone’s body size weren’t directed toward me and I wasn’t even in the conversation, but yet I continue to think about the comments and they make me feel bad. Here were the comments I heard:
- someone commenting on a photo of a Facebook friend and her husband holding their newborn baby. The comment says “you don’t even look like you had a baby!! you look so good!”
- someone commenting on personal trainers at the gym and saying that if a person is a personal trainer they should “look like it”
Both of these comments are so wrong in so many ways. Why do we put so much emphasis as a culture on the way someone’s body looks? Both of these comments show the value we think a body size holds. They’re both so twisted and false too. The lady commenting on the new mom probably had good intentions, but all it does is remind all of us moms who *did* look like we had a baby in the days after we gave birth that people aren’t only admiring our babies, they’re picking apart our body. What a crappy feeling.
The guy commenting on what a personal trainer ‘should’ look like makes me sick. It’s a familiar feeling for me, because when I was trapped in a cycle of disordered eating and exercise in undergrad, this was one of the beliefs I had. “I can’t be a fat dietitian!” And PS my dude, this is one of the reasons so many dietitians and nutrition students do wind up with eating disorders. If I could confront this person I would tell him that my body is not my business card. There is so much I’d want to say to him, but for now that’s all I want you to hear right now.
The bottom line is that even when these comments aren’t directed at you, they matter. They make us feel crappy! They remind us that our culture says looks matter, value is in appearance or success is in thinness. I’m not subscribing to that narrative. I want to challenge you to analyze how you speak about other people’s body sizes, if at all. If so, please don’t. It hurts more than you might know and more people than you intend.
4. It’s powerful to embrace what I love
I was having a conversation on the couch with my husband a few weeks ago and we were talking about my business. He listened as I talked about the things that make me feel anxious, make me feel stressed, and he listened as I talked about the things I really love and the things I wish I could do all the time in this business. It’s so productive to have a conversation with him like this, because he’s usually like, “well, you should do that then!”
During this conversation I mentioned that I really like teaching. I really like speaking to a group and watching connections form. I’ve taught both in-person and virtual workshops in the past and I’ve loved doing it! I also know that I love teaching on a variety of topics. Through this conversation I had the idea to start a monthly learning series. I’m going to host a Zoom workshop each month on a different topic. I’m so excited! It’s also important to me that these be more accessible than individual coaching sessions, so I’m doing them for just under $30. It’s already got me so so excited and feeling like I’m aligned with what I love doing. The first one will be on Less Stress Meal Planning and it’s November 2nd. I’ll always send the recording and materials to all who purchase spots, so attending live isn’t necessarily a must.
5. Patience is hard for me
Trevor has been super busy with work this month and often has to be gone for a few days at a time. A few weeks ago I asked him to renovate our hallway to build me a kitchen pantry. He started on it (he is a contractor by background, so he designed it and I’m so excited for what he came up with!) and has had to leave it be for a few weeks as he doesn’t have the time to work on it right now. It’s not in the way or anything, but I am finding that I’m really impatient about it! I wanted it done immediately and the fact that he can’t work on it daily has proven to be hard for me! I’m learning to be patient and I’m so excited for what it will look like. He’s making it with lots of shelves and a barn door to help save space too. Will update with some photos in the future, whenever that is!